A Big Decision

I have never been a very outgoing person. I'm not saying this because I want your pity. I'm just saying it so that you can get an idea of why in the fucking hell I would join Match.com. Online dating is fucking weird. I don't care who you are, how many other people are doing it - it's weird. That our culture has come to the point where we can't meet people worth knowing in person and have to take to the internet to find a soulmate? Fucking weird. Clicking through profile after profile, photo after photo of peolpe you've never met? Weirder than fucking weird.

 

I have been a member of Match.com for 2 weeks, and I already hate it. (Okay, I've hated it from the very first second I joined, but I'm trying to give it a chance, honestly!) But I also feel like I already have enough material to last this blog a year.

 

I have to admit that I am new to the dating scene. I don't have a lot of relationship experience, because I lived in the buttfuck of nowhere up until 3 months ago. This is not the ideal place for a woman in her mid-twenties. Because of that very unfortunate location, I didn't have a whole lot of friends, and I certainly met very few datable guys. In fact, while living there, I only met one - ONE fucking datable guy - through a friend, and he lived an hour away. When we clicked, you can bet I jumped at that chance as soon as fucking possible. But when that relationship ended, and I had zero prospects and zero motivation to STAY in the buttfuck of nowhere (not that I wanted to stay there to begin with, but sometimes you just get stuck), I decided to up and move halfway across the country to my city of choice in pursuit of a social life.

 

I have to say, though, pursuing a social life is fucking hard. First of all, I have hardly any friends here, and going out alone is insanely unappealing. Not only I am not one of those people who's cool with doing social activities alone, but I'm also fucking miserable at self-motivating. I might <i>want</i> to go out, but when it comes time? If it's up to me, I'll just sit at home and watch a movie or sleep or something. This isn't very conducive to a social life, let me tell ya.

 

So when my roommate went on vacation for a week and left me to my own devices, the following happened:

• I drank a lot of wine by myself
• I felt very pathetic for having no plans whatsoever and ordering a whole 16" pizza to eat all by myself (I split it up over 3 days, okay?!?)
• I decided that I needed some action, and that it could be obtained by joining Match

I've felt very empowered by many of the dating blogs I follow that are written by women who date online, and I thought, "Well, why not?"

 

But, as I've said before, it's fucking weird. I have very mixed feelings about whether it will work out for me or not. I've always been picky about who I've wanted to date in the past, and there has to be some level of physical attraction that can only be determined by meeting in person. I anticipate there will be a lot of trial and error to go along with this, and I'm not too jazzed up about it. Who really wants to tell someone, "I don't feel any chemistry," or "I don't think you're the one for me?" Because then I have to wonder if this person is going to A) go fucking ballistic, or B) try to argue with you. This is what I envision happening, and it's not pretty. I do realize that most people are rational human beings, but I still dread dealing rejection, because I don't want it blowing up in my face.

 

I've been trying to keep an open mind, but the whole process is still weird, and I haven't yet been able to bring myself to email anyone. This is partly because Match's Daily Matches really suck. But it's also because I'm the biggest fucking wimp to ever join the world of online dating.

 

But for better or worse, here I am, giving it a shot, and now you get to hear about it.