OK Cupid Date #1
I'm bummed today. I'm so bummed that I've had to begin this entry multiple times because I'm just not on my writing game. But I really want to get these thoughts out, so I'm persevering. Just don't expect this to be an awesome post. This bummed-out-ness could be due to a number of things, including lack of sleep and the fact that the sun isn't shining. But I really think it is a direct result of my lackluster date yesterday.
OK Computer messaged me on OK Cupid a couple weeks ago, noting a similar interest in music and giving me props for my movie list. His message made me smile, and he was actually not bad looking (this is quite a feat for the types of people who message me), so I responded, even though it broke one of my rules: I will not date you if you live in the suburbs. But I thought I should give him a chance, because surely someone who likes the same things as I do must be pretty cool, right? His profile wasn't bad either. Of note was the part where he mentioned he likes experiencing new things. This is a big thing with me. I like to have adventures. I like learning new things and gaining new experiences, and I really need someone who will join me and want to include me in his own adventures as well. I did have some doubts, though.
Some of the things he said set off a few warning bells. Not loudly, but enough to be bothersome. One was the fact that he's never lived far from his hometown. I think a person really needs to travel and see different places to know what one likes, wants, needs, etc. You can't stay in the same place and have it be enough, typically. It would be different if he'd lived in the city his whole life, but still. Living elsewhere for a while, even if just for a semester for study abroad, is vital I think. But we didn't talk about traveling, so who knows? Maybe he has seen more of the world than I give him credit for.
Another thing was that over our messages, I was asking about things that I enjoy, such as movies and TV and whatnot, and he said he hasn't kept up with movies, since he hasn't had anyone to watch them with, and he also hasn't kept up with most TV shows. Aside from the not-having-anyone-to-watch-movies-with part sounding completely pathetic and practically asking for pity, this begged the question: Then what DOES he do? I asked. I didn't get much of an answer. He goes to the gym, which is good, because at least he isn't lazy. But besides that? Who knows. It's nice he's not glued to a TV screen, but does he really not have any interests? Hobbies? Nothing?
Our messages continued for about a week before we decided to make plans to meet in person. But despite my doubts, as mentioned above, I was actually really looking forward to it, because based on these messages, this guy seemed pretty cool. I was hoping that his personality in person would make up for or negate any of the things he'd said that made me wonder. Of course I was worried about what he would be like in person. I've had friends who are great to talk to onlne but who are super awkward in person. I was really really hoping this wasn't the case. I wanted this to work. I wanted him to be hot. I wanted him to be outgoing and personable. I wanted him to be as cool as I am. I know this is tough, but I had high hopes. Perhaps those hopes were too high.
I'm sorry to report that, while I didn't have a terrible time, I can't say it was great either. Most of our conversation was pleasant and we of course spoke of many of the same things we'd discussed in messages, except with more detail. So there wasn't really much progress in getting to know this guy. I suppose I could have asked more questions, but conversation WAS flowing naturally, so I just went with it. The last thing I wanted was for conversation to feel forced and interview-ish. But what I did gather about him was not very interesting.
What was worse is that his mannerisms are weird, and I mean that in an unattractive way. He had said in his profile that he was a fan of sarcasm, so I anticipated that we'd be able to play off each other, right? Wrong. What he thought was sarcasm and wit was NOT sarcasm and wit. It was just sad. I don't really know how to describe it other than "awkward and not funny." But he apparently thought he was hilarious.
But a major turn off was that he told me about his health issues. Now, they aren't really serious health issues, but still not something one should discuss at a first meeting, and they made him even more unattractive to me. This is on top of his telling me that he just moved back home. He didn't go into why really, and I'm sure there are good reasons for moving back in with your parents (and it's certainly better than never having moved out at all), but still another strike against him. Also, he told me he doesn't like watching movies by himself. And he has a LOT of movies to watch in order to become a better person. For example, he too is guilty of never having seen The Princess Bride. This is a crime against humanity. But I digress. I do not have the time to watch awesome movies with him that I've already seen just to educate him, and if he doesn't like film enough to suck it up and watch by himself, I just don't know if I can handle that. (Is it so ridiculous that I want my date to have knowledge of current movies?)
Overall, I just got the sense that I was the more rounded individual with more life experience. Being that I have hardly any life experience, this is kind of upsetting. I do not want to be the dominant one. I want someone who can challenge me at the same time as I challenge him. I don't want to be doing all the challenging. I don't want to be feeling like I'm doing this guy a favor by dating him, because it's clear that's what would be going on. Honestly, I just feel like I am out of his league, that I can do WAY better, and that I deserve way better.
At the end of the meeting, I did want to give it another chance, but after thinking about it for a day, I just don't see how it's going to change anything. If I don't feel the attraction off the bat, it's just not going to pop up out of nowhere. But unlike last time, I'm not going to torture myself by going on a second date with this guy, even though I feel bad because I probably got his hopes up. It would just be a waste of time, and I'd be miserable. But now I have to email him and let him down, because texting is just too short. Le sigh. I hate rejecting people. But I hate it far less than putting up with them when we aren't compatible.
How many guys will I have to meet before I meet another one I actually like? Maybe I'm just spoiled by having such awesome friends and family that most people in the world are far less cool in comparison. Or maybe the REAL cool people don't have to try to meet people online... Or maybe I'm just too fucking picky for my own good.
